When examining the female warrior identity, psychologist Edward Tick points out the dichotomy between the historical position of women as “life-givers” and the warrior role of “life-takers.” This contrast produces a complex duality for women who have experienced the trauma of war. As such, women warriors must learn to reconcile the two identities to achieve harmony. And probably more than anything, they need each other.
On International Women’s Day, four women who shared those experiences traveled to Los Sueños Resort in Costa Rica to participate in the Freedom Alliance Offshore Experience. Three were combat veterans who fought in Iraq, two of whom were physically wounded from shrapnel (both in the neck) and one who served as a medic in the ICU, treating American and Iraqi casualties.
The fourth participant had a unique experience. Growing up in the Ivory Coast of Africa, she had been displaced as a child on two different occasions as a result of war. All four had struggled to find other women who shared such experiences with war.
Freedom Alliance supporter John McLean (with a great discount from the resort) hosted the women to their first meal in Costa Rica at the Hook-Up Bar & Restaurant in the marina village. John consistently donates the first meal for many of our groups, and his long-time interaction with our program always makes this the perfect night in which the participants get to know each other and hear their stories.
On their first full day in Costa Rica, we dived into the curriculum that was developed with the guidance of Dr. Edward Tick. By looking at warrior cultures throughout history, we show that combat veterans of every era experienced the symptoms we call “PTSD” today. However, past societies seemed better at treating the soul wounds of war—even without the aid of pharmaceuticals, which only manage symptoms.
These sessions are finely orchestrated to be educational as well as restorative, giving our modern warriors the necessary tools to live with their experiences. In his book Warrior’s Return: Restoring the Soul After War, Dr. Tick explains that when we embrace our warriors back into society the right way, “we fill our communities with honorable, noble, wise elders who in turn serve and mature the society and its most needy.”
The first day of the program is dedicated to building the framework of this model, which will by its end teach warriors to carry the burdens of war without becoming debilitated. Each night, we engage in sessions to further explore this theme, providing historical context found in primary sources, from both ancient and recent history. These sessions provide a space in which the veterans can share those burdens with each other.
Later that afternoon, Pam Harlow of Serenity Spa donated hour-long massages at Villa Caletas, a boutique hotel situated on a ridge above the Pacific Ocean.
“I’ve never had a full body massage before,” said Abby L., “so I had little to compare it to. But it did more for my chronic neck pain (post flight, at that) than my chiropractor’s adjustments…. The experience was incredible.”
Intertwined with our warrior sessions, which can be heavy, and moments of rest and relaxation, such as as the spa, are adventures on the high seas. Thanks to the generosity of Sharon and Charles Miller of Corpus Christi, Texas, we treated this group to two days of fishing on their 78-foot Bayliss Clean Sweep, captained by Gerry Keene.
The first day onboard Clean Sweep was spectacular as Sharon and Charles and the hard-working deckhands, Jorge Carillo and Nelson Castrillo, coached the ladies on the techniques of offshore fishing.
We include offshore fishing because it requires you to be present in the moment. There are no distractions: no Wi-Fi, no phone calls or texts, no news, no politics. Just 10 hours on the boat to get to know each other with brief moments of excitement when a billfish comes into the spread.
“It is a privilege and an honor to be able to participate in this small way,” said Sharon Miller.
Toward the end of the second day, after we had caught two sails and marlin, Captain Gerry came out of the salon after a quick break when he saw the rod tip bend. He swiftly snatched it up to hook the final sailfish. Before heading up to the bridge, he joked, “I had to come out of retirement to get that one.”
Abby said, “I’ve been fishing before, but never like this. There’s almost no comparison between pulling in a catfish and the thrill and satisfaction of wrestling a sailfish into submission. Even when it wasn’t my turn on the rod, witnessing each woman’s epic battle with her fish was incredible.”
She continued, “Sharon and Charles Miller were a blessing. Sharon is a fantastic fishing coach, Charles is a gracious host, and the captain and crew of their gorgeous boat are stellar.”
On Friday, the group was treated to a day at Isla Tortuga thanks to Jim Kitchell, owner of Costa Cat Cruises. The Costa Cat is a 55-foot catamaran, built by Jim and his brother, that ushers tourists on a 45-minute journey across the Gulf of Nicoya to the beautiful white-sand island of Tortuga.
The island day consists of lounging in the shade of palm trees while the Costa Cat staff ensure your every need is met. They serve a tasty lunch, and other activities include snorkeling, swimming, and hiking. The women used this day to relax, and we included a couple sessions while there.
That evening, we wrapped up the event with a delicious spread of sushi in the Millers’ condo, prepared by the talented chef Randy Diaz. After the meal, we ended with our final sessions and ceremony.
Abby said, “The first day of sessions provided a framework for the experience, prompts for discussion throughout the week, and tools for reflection. The two days of fishing provided plenty of peaceful time out on the ocean for that reflection and for sharing between women. The end-of-week sessions suggested tools for moving forward and taking healing back into regular life.”
Sharon, who passionately supports the program, remarked, “I am so grateful for this opportunity. I am so grateful that these women embraced this new experience. What we give is small in comparison to what we receive in these moments. Gratitude doesn’t seem like enough to describe the way I feel after spending time with these Warriors and getting to know them. Wow!”
Connie, one of the soldiers who attended, wrote this review on greatnonprofits.org: “I attended an all-female retreat with [Freedom Alliance] and had an amazing experience. The people were amazing, and everyone treated us so well. I even met a donor, and she and I had a great connection. The places we saw and attended were so beautiful that at times the serenity of the place was enough to take your breath away.
“I enjoyed the curriculum … and loved how Pepper brought the history of warriors to the forefront of our minds. That allowed me to remember that I am not alone, I am not isolated, and that I am a part of a history of warriors throughout the time we have had on earth. This was a great way to help myself rethink and retrain how I perceive myself as a combat veteran.”
We thank our dedicated supporters who make all this possible, from donating condos, golf carts, meals, fishing days, massages, and tours. We couldn’t do it without you. Thanks to those who spent time with our warriors this week – Andy Shapiro, John McLean, Mike Winget, Jim & Luzma Stewart!
Many thanks to those who support us financially: the late Foster Friess and his widow, Lynn; the William T. and Ethel Lewis Burton Foundation; Gerald and Virginia Lindholm; Thomas and Deborah Whitesell; the David A. Ball Family Foundation; Jim and Wanda Gammon; Wallis Higginbotham and Tideland Ford Lincon; Smyth McKissick and the McKissick Foundation.
This article was originally published at: https://www.faoffshore.com/news/2022/4/19/women-warriors-find-sisterhood-in-costa-rica
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